depravity and gravity have always got a grasp on me.

I’ve never known myself to have an addictive personality.  Potentially long-winded nights attempting to guzzle down liquid courage usually end after two malt beers and a yawn, and the prospect of gaining munchie weight preempted by pot-smoking never sounded quite appealing.  I don’t know which celebrity was caught cheating on his baby mama with a Dancing With the Stars celeb, and I can’t even convince myself to give Sudoku a whirl.  However, my one vice is terrifyingly unflinching, fueled by demons deep within me, urging me to fulfill their dying needs.  Hi, my name is Kate, and I’m a TV-on-DVD-aholic.

So, sure, it’s seems like a big fat waste of time.  And sure, it’s not exactly the healthiest lifestyle.  But I never seem to pay attention to what is on television when it’s airing, and TiVo is still a bit beyond my financial reach.  So I spend a good portion of my week introducing myself to some new addiction funneled directly to my door via Netflix.  

I’d like to think of myself as an active television show watcher rather than a passive one.  Therefore, every minute detail of some soggy-bottomed drama can become something to watch for, something to catalogue for later.  Who is that mysterious man lurking in the background?  How many times has David Cross referred to hard-boiled eggs?  It’s far more exciting than Sudoku, that’s for sure.

This week’s vice is the highly-acclaimed Emmy-award-winning Keifer-Sutherland-clad vehicle 24.  I hardly started this one cold as it’s already in its seventh season, and the legendary Jack Bauer character is hard to ignore even if you don’t turn on the tube.  So I pop in disc one and I prepare for impact.  My brother and I relish in the guilty pleasures that are unrealistic dramedies, so it seemed like a natural choice.  The alluring fact that the show is aired in “real time” promised a heart-pounding stomach-in-my-throat week in the life of tv’s most beloved government agent.  I was ready for some action.  I was ready for some good-old-fashioned cheap tricks.

However, all I received was a wimpy cast chirping along at a slow pace.  The women fall into three contrived categories: bad-ass butch, helplessly naive, or annoyingly cutsie.  The use of dramatic irony could be used to the storyteller’s advantage, but it is instead either nipped in the bud instantly or hidden entirely from the audience.  And Jack Bauer?  He reminds me of someone I’d find in my backyard on a summer day sipping a beer with my father.  And yet, I keep cutting through episode after episode, no more intrigued by what each has to offer than the previous.  Sure, cliffhangers are cheesy, but I doubt I would keep tuning in each week if this show were to have aired in my real time.  I have a hard time convincing myself that 24 isn’t ready to pull out all the stops just yet, that’s it’s attempting to appear smart and sophisticated rather than cheap and far-fetched.  It is now 8 am for the Bauers, and frankly, I’m not sure I care much about what happens to each character.  My biggest concern is how no one has to pee in a 24-hour time span.